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  Adventures of a Girl with Hodgkins

Ding Dong the Witch is Dead

12/17/2010

13 Comments

 
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I’ve been toying with this title for this blog post all week. I like it because if my doctors are to be believed, I want to climb out onto my fire escape and shout that over and over again from the rooftops.   I haven’t yet because a) I don’t want to jinx myself and b) I like my apartment and I don’t feel like getting evicted.  Being cancer free and homeless isn’t quite as exciting as just being cancer free.

Basically, I went in for my half way PET scan a week ago Monday and the results show no trace of cancer in my body.  That’s right:  Zero. Zip. Nada. I realize this is big news and I’ve been chastised for not making a bigger deal of it, which I think warrants an explanation:

First, there were just words on a lab report that said things like “lymph nodes considerably smaller” and “no evidence of hypermetalbolic activity” – which SOUNDS good, but I wasn’t quite sure what it all meant.  If I still have lumps, I still have cancer, right?

After talking to Dr. Fishman, I learned that lumps might never fully go away, even when the cancer does, and “no evidence of hypermetalbolic activity” is just fancy medical speak for “when we feed you radioactive dye and look at your insides, all those areas that used to light up orange on the computer, showing us where the cancer is, don’t light up anymore.”  My doctor here even used the “R” word (considering I still have five chemo treatments to go, I think it’s a little premature and am superstitious about actually saying it out loud, but let’s just say it rhymes with “schremission”) 

A little back story for those of you that didn’t already know: when I was first diagnosed, I decided to leave my apartment in New York and move down to DC to get treatment so I could be closer to Annie and Charlie. Even with the decision to get treated in DC, it’s still good to have a second opinion and Memorial Sloane Kettering in New York is one of the best when it comes to all things cancer. My friend Mia hooked up me up with her oncologist, Dr. Matt Matasar, so I made the trek back up to New York just before I started chemo in September, to get his take on my situation. He helped me understand that twelve rounds of chemo with no radiation seemed best for me, but to come back and see him once I was half way done to re-evaluate. He also told me to keep taking Japanese mushroom supplements because they are cancer butt-kickers.  He’s a smart guy.  Plus he’s also a hugger, which I appreciate.

I didn’t want to make any announcements until after I had that follow-up appointment with Dr. M because I felt like hearing it from him would make it more real.  And when everything else in your world feels like echoes of life down the rabbit hole, reality is an important, and sometimes elusive, touchstone. I saw him yesterday and basically he concurred. In fact he said I get an “A+” which hasn’t happened since sophomore year of college, so I’ll take it.

I’m grateful, really I am.  It’s just that the irony of it all is hard to digest sometimes: before I got diagnosed -- even though I actually had cancer -- I felt totally fine.  Once I started chemo, I felt sick and nauseous and achy and frail and well, like a cancer patient. And even with this encouraging diagnosis, I still have to finish the rest of my chemo (think how they make you finish the entire course of antibiotics even after your throat stops hurting) and while I realize that in the big scheme of life, two and a half months might not seem like a lot of time, it feels a lot longer when everything tastes like Drain-o.

Basically, as my sister puts it, I’m a cancer-free cancer patient (who still feel s like a for-real cancer patient.)  And since I also know enough people who have been declared cancer-free, just to have that title wrenched from them a few months later with another test, I’m also a cautious cancer-free cancer patient. 

On the other hand, I’m also an optimistic cancer-free cancer patient who believes strongly that thoughts become things and “science, it works bitches,” so here’s what I’m going to do: I’m going to have a very small nip of the real bubbly tonight to celebrate, because I feel it’s necessary and also that God would want it that way.  But I’m saving the real celebration for when I’m done with chemo and get that all-important last scan that confirms that the storm is over, the house has hit its mark and I can rock the ruby slippers with confidence.  Then we will bust out good stuff, open the drink umbrellas and party like rock stars. Until then, I’m going to keep my “ding dongs” to a faint, but triumphant, whisper.

13 Comments
RfT
12/17/2010 08:38:54 am

"OZ never did give nuthin to the Tin Man, that he didn't - ALREADY have."

You ALREADY have the love and support of anyone who knows you. All you need now is the "CHEMOTHERAPY GRADUATION CERTIFICATE" -to make you believe it's for real for real. I can dig it.

Good enough for Dorothy - good enough for me.

I'll be drinking the libations in celebration, looking forward to your 'graduation' and commencement of life.

Sip away - you earned it.

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Eddie
12/17/2010 08:45:01 am

Hurrahhh!!! Who cares about eviction, shout it from the rooftops baby. I'm so very happy for you. That witch didn't know who she was picking on. It was a mismatch from the beginning. What a neat way to ring in the Holidays and a new year. Thank you for being an inspiration to all of us. Love ya!! Eddie

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Eden
12/17/2010 09:06:37 am

All I can say is: AWESOME.

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Barbara
12/17/2010 10:53:49 am

That is the 'awesomest' Christmas present EVER!!!!!

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The Donnelly's
12/17/2010 11:01:31 pm

Erin, Elyse, and I were ecstatic to see this post! You continue to be in our thoughts each day. Merry Christmas and here is to a Happy New Year!

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Sabeen
12/18/2010 04:41:51 am

Whispering a jubilant 'ding dong' on your behalf. :)

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Dianne
12/20/2010 11:03:29 am

Unbelievable, I was just watching a video of you, your Mom and Annie in our cabin in Luray last night and wondering how you are doing. (You are reading off a list of "crap" that was in one of the boxes of food. It was precious and I'll make sure you get a copy later).

Now I know how you are doing in real life. How fantastic! I will definitely have a sip of the bubbly for you. And Merry, Merry Christmas. Your card is being signed after I finish this comment and will be winging its way to you. I don't have Annie's address, so please send her family our love too. Dianne and Willis

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KEITH
12/20/2010 02:15:19 pm

That absolutely rocks! And I love Ding Dongs too!

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Judy walters
12/25/2010 08:17:52 am

Erin. I have tears of joy for u. There is nothing like being cancer free. Would love to learn more about the Chinese mushrooms. Merry Christmas

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Betsy
12/27/2010 01:54:37 am

Erin - this is so very wonderful - and so well deserved. As one who believes that everything happens for a purpose I do hope that you realize how inspirational this blog has been to so many people - I think you may have found a new career. Sending lot of love and hugs!

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Blarney Crone link
12/27/2010 10:31:33 am

The best news for the new year. Well done--look forward to rocking the rubies with you in 2011 xxx

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Amanda
12/30/2010 04:30:34 am

I can't believe I missed reading this post sooner!!!! This post brings me such real (and also cautious) joy! I am so excited to celebrate with you tomorrow and quietly sing "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead" with you (I know all the lyrics from my years as a Gleek!) ...and I'm a hugger too - like Dr. M! I can't wait to see you!

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Andrea
1/8/2011 11:34:35 am

Erinnnnnnn!

I am SO happy to read this and yet right there in caution-land with you because, well, that is where you are...

I also just read your New Year's Eve Post... and am touched...again and again and again.

Your inspiration is just what the - ironically enough - doctor ordered...

I am so grateful to know you... and am SO SO SO SO F****ING grateful for the quasi-news that will soon fully bloom and then warrant some mad bubbly popping.

XOXOXOXO and here's to serendipity and magic in the new year...

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