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  Adventures of a Girl with Hodgkins

Radical Grace (this one's for you Leonard)

11/13/2016

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​"…Oh where do we begin? The rubble or our sins?..." 

I've had a lot of unexpected conversations with people who are fellow cancer survivors this week, and the feeling that so many of us have now is similar to the feeling of waking up the day after a cancer diagnosis. It's terrifying and it's sad and you have no idea how it's going to affect your world, but you know it ain’t gonna be pretty. It stops you cold, forces you to quickly recalibrate your life, to get really clear, really quickly on what's important, on what matters most.  It’s also an invitation to embrace radical grace, the kind, as the song goes, that both teaches your heart to fear and the kind that ultimately leads you home.
 
During the election there was much hand wringing (I know, because I was doing it too) about how Trump’s campaign was fueled by anger, by fear.  “Why so much anger?” we asked. “Why so much fear?” Now we are the ones who are angry, afraid.  And they ask of us as they watch our brothers and sisters protest “why so much anger? Why so much fear?”
 
The last few days have been a haze for me, as for many. As I said to a conservative friend earlier today, “before I felt like America was cracked. Now I feel like its broken.” But the more I read, the more I reflect and try to understand, I know that many others – on the left, the right and in the middle - felt like America was broken for them long before Tuesday.   60+ million voted for Trump because they think it’s broken. 12 million voted for Bernie Sanders because they think its broken and 90,000 voters in Michigan who turned up at the polls and voted for everything but president – 9x the number needed to swing Michigan and thus the election -- think it’s broken.  
At my darkest moments the divide between our world views has seemed like a black hole, with a gravitational pull so strong that not even light could escape it. As my momma once said to me by way of explaininng how she processed the realization that she would forever be confined to a wheelchair,  “it’s these moments, when you take all of the things that define you – all the labels and descriptions and ideas about yourself – and you throw them to the wind - whatever you’re left with, whatever sticks and stays true in the toughest, loneliest moments, that is the essence of you." This election has felt like a rending. It also an invitation to dig deeper to understand the true essence of who we are as Americans. 

On the surface it seems easy – even logical given our history and our current reality in many corners - to blame the racism, sexism, xenophobia that Trump actively sought sow and trade on along his scorched earth path to victory at any cost, roadkill be damned. And to be sure the fallout from that is real, is rearing its ugly head as we speak, and we cannot underestimate or downplay it.  But there are plenty of other data points that show that, as with with most important things, the answer is much more complicated.  

What is clear is that so many of the 60 million people who voted for Trump on Tuesday were sending a loud, dissonat message -- we don't belive this country is working for us. We don't know if we have a place here. This week that message sounds gut-wrenchingly familiar.

The hard truth of this election, is that from things like affordable college and the shrinking middle class to the opioid epidemic and the Flint water crisis, we've let down many of our fellow brothers and sisters -- and they just let us know that in the most jarring way. Even if indeed white privlege played a role in the outcome, the way that concepts *manifests* in individuals is wholly personal. We need to acknowledge and to be willing to engage in radical listening if we are deeply understand it. To understand it (instead of just judging or being scared by it) is the only way I know to make the constructive and real change that creates the America we say we want.

Just like those who now tell the protesters to “get over it and move on” - to put this in one box without taking the time to listen and understand, is to miss an opportunity (perhaps our only real opportunity) for healing. I’m talking not about the fake brand of unity that we are told is supposed to come in the package with the transition plan and fancy parties, but the real kind born of dialogue, radical listening and human to human connection.
 
Several days before the election I posted that regardless of who won, that we had hard work ahead of us, because no one leader can save us.  That is still true, and that is the good news, because the flip side is also true -- no one leader can destroy us.  The comparisons I’ve read to Nazi Germany, are not just hysteria – they’re history – the kind that repeats itself if we don’t learn from it. But Hitler did not destroy Germany on his own. He did it by catalyzing anger and fear. And now that we are the ones who are afraid, let us, as Cory Booker so eloquently put it, not become the thing we despise. That we are afraid makes sense – there is much at stake.  It’s what we do with that fear that will determine whether or not we slay the dragon or are consumed by it.  As Elizabeth Warren said  “The American people voted for change. It’s our job to give direction to that change.”
 
To those who are denouncing the protesters, let’s face it – this unrest was coming regardless of who won. We know because Donald Trump and his supporters said as much. (Remember the Milwaukee sheriff who said it would be “pitchforks and torches time” if Trump lost?  This is the same guy who is calling the protesters anarchists and now wants a cabinet post.)  And the fact that unrest was inevitable is kind of the point, because at its heart this election was never about Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. This election has always been about people on all sides who have the same fear – what if America no longer has a place for me?  That feeling is real and it needs to be honored - on all sides.

The good news is the very force that feels like it is now sowing our division, is the key to our coming together, because it has also shown what we alreaday know to be true, that at the core we all want the same things -- to feel safe and loved and like we belong to each other. 

Our outrage in Trump’s victory hinges on the now-shaken belief that we are a country that embraces everyone, that seeks to build bridges not walls and that fosters understanding not fear.  We can’t simultaneously hold that belief and dismiss half of the country as evil or ignorant simply because we don’t agree with them. That view is rooted in fear, the same fear that drives suspicion of Muslims and Syrian refugees, that would send gay teenagers to conversion therapy, that yells “lock her up”, that spray paints swastikas on churches.
​
There are terrible things happening right now by those who feel emboldened by Trump’s victory.  We can – we must – speak out against those things, to be allies and advocates. To speak and up and keep speaking up and donate our money and our bodies and our time. But if we ultimately want to get to a place of real healing, we must be able to do that while acknowledging that the all 60+ million Americans who voted for him are not simply deplorable

In our anger we must not become what we condemn. We must now, especially now, be brave, to undertand how we can, as Cory Booker said, "stand in the breach." To quote one of my faves, the writer Anne Lamott ”courage is simply fear that has said its prayers.”  To put it another way, courage is fear that has found its grace.

Walking our talk is hardest when we are afraid. It’s also when it’s most important.
 
Donald Trump has done much to sow seeds of fear and hatred. We do not owe him the benefit of the doubt. We do owe it to each other.  Say it with me: You matter. You belong here. Grace will lead us home.
 
 #ImWithUs
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Things Going Awesome - Election Eve Edition

11/6/2016

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In hindsight, the dragonslaying blog was the root of #thingsgoingawesome, which is all about finding the beauty amongst the dark, embracing as Glennon Doyle Melton says, our broken parts, the things that make life "brutiful."  It's about embracing love even - especially and most fiercely - in the face of fear.  This election season has been steeped in fear.  The fear seems palpable, like smog, making it positively (for some of us literally) hard to breath at times.   In October, a NC Republican party office was firebombed. It was a dark moment, one that made manifest some of our deepest fears about the election - fear of violence, fear of our fellow citizens, fear, fear, fear.  And just when I started to feel like maybe this fear was bigger than us, right on cue, love showed up.  Specifically in this case, it showed up in the form of a GoFundMe page started by a group of Dems who also know that when fear is thickest, we need to spread more love.  When I went to make a donation myself less than 24 hours later, I found it the fund was closed, having exceeded its goal in less than 40 minutes. As I started scrolling through, looking at the donations and reading the comments, I began to cry. Not because I was scared, but because for the first time in weeks, I was hopeful. Most donations were left quietly, without comment.  But many were accompanied by a note, each one a love letter - to the NC office staff, to America, to democracy and humanity. I went through the nearly 600 donations, copying each and every comment, knowing that things may likely get worse before they get better, that then would be time that we need to be reminded of the good, of what holds us together instead of what threatens to tear us apart. Here they are, my election eve gift to you, as a reminder that like it or not, we are truly one human family.  I invite you to share your own thoughts of unity and healing in the comments. The fund was set up by mostly Dems, so the comments skew that way, but if you have comments of common ground or healing from  conservative friends or if you'd like to share a comment yourself, please leave it below.  

Link to full site:
https://www.gofundme.com/reopen-a-nc-republican-office-2ukuprzy?rcid=7742648e940911e68b8dbc764e065880
 
Comments:
Rolando Flores
One Nation. Go USA. Proud Democrat from Henderson, NV.
 
David Veloz
I'm a Democrat but I don't believe in violence.
 
Dirk Hohndel
Not a republican, but we all stand together against such anti-democratic violence
 
Gloria Caruthers
This Democrat from IN hopes you're able to get your back to your office as soon as possible.
 
Robert Davidson
Sorry about the fire. I'm not Republican but we are all American
 
Jeffrey Bigham
May we be spared Trump, but not this way.
 
Lara Shields
Sending you my best wishes. So sorry this happened.
 
Adrian Benepe
Whoever did this doesn't speak for Democrats or anyone rational. We will help fix this.
 
Lewis Geer
With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation's wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.
 
Michael Bussee
As a Democrat and a believer in safe and fair elections, I support the effort to help this office reopen.
 
Ray McKinnon
I currently am a SEC member in Mecklenburg County and President Emeritus of YDS in Meck. As a person who had called Hillsborough home, I grieve with you. We stand with you; the dawn will come.
 
Michael Donohoe
Win or lose, we're in this together as Americans
 
Vivian Vacca
This act of terror was an attack on all of us. In moments like these, there's no partisanship. We're all Americans. We stand by you.
 
Linda Foley
This Democrat deplores this act and wants NCGOP to be able to operate campaign offices in peace and safety.
 
Dan C.
Make America kind again. Violence is never the answer. We are more alike than we are different.

Jessica Spiegel
I'm a bleeding heart liberal, chipping in to help rebuild the GOP office. Because this is not who we are.
 
Neal Goldfarb
Whoever threw the bomb was attacking democracy and (even if the lefties or even Hillary supporters) helping Trump, who is similarly undermining democracy.
 
Jonathan McDowell
Electoral violence is a threat to the country. I am against Republicanism, but I'm against violence more.
 
Nathan Moore
From one Democratic Family that believes nothing & no one should have to deal with any form of violence or hate.
 
Steve Olson
Political violence is unacceptable. I hope you're back up and running soon, so we can have a proper contest.
 
Anil Dash
I'm not a member of any political party, but I am against violence.
 
Rob Knight
I hope they can get back up and running with this help.
 
Robert Fisher
We must all stand against political violence.
 
Lisa Rector
#ImWithHer but clearly violence is not the answer to anything wrong with our country or this election
 
Karyn Wiseman
We cannot resolve our differences with violence. I am a democrat but do not support violence in any form. Hope you can reopen soon.
 
Grace Suarez
Hope you can rebuild quickly and so happy no one was hurt. A Hillary Supporter
 
Liz Wally
So sorry this happened to you!
 
Amy Sweitzer
Let peace be in your walls.
 
Andres Monroy-Hernandez
I'm not a democrat, nor an American, but I support this cause.
 
Michael Robins
Because hate and violence should not be the answer.
 
Amy Garman
This is what we Americans do. We help each other. Peacefully.
 
Nikk Folts
because, we can't have this escalate, this is wrong on so many levels
 
Tara Jenkins
No matter your political affiliation, violence is never okay.
 
Sean Webster
We're all in this together.
 
Kevin Schwartz
Republicans or Democrats, this is unacceptable. As someone voting Hillary, I disagree vehemently with this act and am donating to support democracy and the free expression of all U.S. citizens.
 
Regina Baucom
I'm a liberal dem who believes in country before party!
 
Lori Hyrup
When all is said and done, we're still one people. We need to be there for each other. I'm a Democrat, and I hold no ill will toward Republicans.
 
David ten Have
I'm not even from the US... but I'm not going to stand by and watch a healthy democracy tear itself to bits.
 
Danny Hooley
Hillary 2016! Non-violent, civil, fair elections forever!
 
Chris F
We're better than this as a country and as a people. Regardless of your feelings on the election we do NOT slip into barbarism.
 
Tracy Thompson
Good luck rebuilding. We all need to support one another.
 
Linda Pryde
I'm an HRC supporter and violence is never the answer!
 
Evan Hoffman
#NeverTrump but violence is never acceptable.
 
James Mayer
We've only got one country.
 
Philip Auerswald
easiest decision i made today
 
Jamin Warren
Be well!

Elizabeth Lower-Basch
Not ok.
 
Doug Gordon
Our democracy is stronger when we work together in good times and bad.
 
Christopher Casey
I'm a Democrat, and this is absolutely unacceptable. Best wishes to everyone.
 
Sara Davis
I don't have much to give, but I want to show some support of this important thing. Opposing views are how we work in this country. We are a country that works out our differences in peace with elections. We may throw a great deal of passionate words at each other, but we must never ever devolve to this.
 
Kevin Pazirandeh
Democracy is messy folks, but violence against the opponent? You debase our values.
 
Frank Holland
I find Donald Trump to be dangerous, duplicitous, craven, hateful, unbalanced and repellent in every way. That said, we must be bigger than this petty, vindictive man. We should revere and protect our democratic institutions while promoting a culture of civility in our politics. Get that office open so we can compete on ideas!
 
Elaine Replogle
Because we are stronger together, even when we disagree. D
 
Melanie Parfait
Country over party. I'm with Her this election, but I am always for Democracy.
 
Josh Ols
Because we need to show unity when someone is trying to divide us.
 
Joseph Crawford
I repudiate violence of all kinds.
 
George Higgins
Democrat and Hillary supporter here chipping in. Politically motivated violence is downright deplorable no matter who it is directed against. Just thankful nobody was hurt.
 
Bryan Lakatos
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that
Because I love my country, believe in nonviolence and resolving political differences at the ballot box.
 
Shawn Borin
No matter who did this, it is an unamerican act that cannot be condoned by any political party.
 
Danielle Sterzenbach
We all want the same thing - we just have a different thought on how to get that result. We can and should stand by each other.
 
Sandra Thompson
Stronger Together
 
Kimberly LaFave
I will NOT be voting for Trump, but I stand against any attempt to interfere with the integrity of our political process. Please band together to prevent intimidation of any kind.
 
Paul Hauser
I disagree with everything Republicans stand for this election cycle but violence, especially in our political process, is abhorrent.
 
Jim Avery
There is no place for political violence from anyone in a democracy, much less the United States.
 
Jill Borak
Violence is never the answer. This Democrat sends you love and kindness.

James Fatheree
Terrible act perpetrated on your office. I am relieved no people were injured. Hope you can rebuild and carry on soon.
 
Tree Hugger
An opportunity to do the right thing should never be wasted.
 
Lila Ralston
Violence has no place in a civilized nation. Nobody sets fires in my name.
 
Gary Ferguson
We need to rise above tribalism. Americans are better than this.
 
Stephen Sherman
Seems like the right thing to do.
 
Robin Kirk
Standing up for civil discourse and against violence.
 
Glenn Fleishman
Striking at political freedom hurts us all.
 
Dee Austin
We ARE Stronger Together.
 
Joanne Bouknight
I lived in Orange County for 2 years, then in Wake County for 8 years, and I loved North Carolina. This attack is an affront to democracy, and I'd like to contribute in the name of a peaceful election and aftermath.
 
Michael Foley
Proud Clinton supporter. Prouder American. We don't tolerate violence. I hope you are on your feet and back to fighting for the NC GOP as soon as possible.
 
Sally Cohen-Alameno
#I'mWithHer but am horrified by this. Let's go high, as our First Lady would say!
 
Jay Patel
This is not how we act as Americans. I strongly condemn this, hope the perpetrators are caught, and that we recognize that, no matter what, violence is never the answer.
 
David Ballard
Hope you are back up and running as soon as possible -- from a Pennsylvania Democrat
 
Randy Perez
This is so important
 
Nick Pellicciotto
Good call. God bless America.
 
Brandi Lilley
This is NOT okay no matter whose name you mark on the ballot! Our democracy will ALWAYS defeat HATE! (TX-D). I hope you are back up and running as soon as possible. Stay safe everyone!
 
J Courteau
Liberal or conservative we are Americans.
 
Elayne Burke
I condemn political violence and support all efforts D's & R's to campaign and vote.
 
Nan Satterlee
Life-long democrat glad to help in a small way.
 
Jeffrey Jaeger
Proud American and Democrat. Happy to help you all get back on your feet.
 
Michael Haji-Sheikh
No one should condone violence.
 
$20
Greg McAvoy
We all need elections that are free of intimidation and violence.
 
Daniel Gunter
I'm a Democrat. I don't approve of violence. I don't know who did this, but I believe in winning fair and square.
 
Susan Mitchell
Our democracy is strengthened when we work together.
 
John Berry
A tiny gesture in support of democracy in the USA.
 
Justin Reese
Fight fire with love.
 
Daniel Youd
#ImWithHer -- but I'm with you, too.
 
Denis Markell
When they go low, we go high. This is America, and we help one another
 
Geoffrey Rhone
I'm a lifelong Democrat but I believe in safe and secure elections. I respect my conservative friends. I hope that the Republican office is able to reopen soon. Good luck.
 
Kevin Collins
I'm an HRC supporter, but we can't let this happen. We must stand together or we will fall.
 
Mireya Monroy
I am a Dem from Los Angeles. Violence has no place in our democracy. Take care NCGOP
 
Eliza Sweet
People working for democracy are on the same side.
 
Alex Russell
This action and this threat are a horrific breach; they are un-American. Whoever did this must be found and prosecuted. Anyone who knows who did it should turn them in immediately. We don't do things like this; we don't let things like this be done or stand. They attack the very fabric of our democracy and the society our democracy makes possible and safeguards. Let's show what we do.
 
Pamela Hale
I will vote for Hillary in a few weeks, but I want to help you guys get back on your feet. Violence is never the answer. I pray whoever did this will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
 
Deirdre McCarthy-Dillon
I'm a Dem all the way, but this is a direct attack on Democracy, no matter who did it.
 
Brigitte Peck
Tarheel born Democrat proud to support the NCGOP in the aftermath of senseless violence.
 
David Anderson
elections should be free and open...determined by debate and discourse, not by violence. I condemn political violence on either side to determine the outcome of the election.
 
Cliff Stockton
Elections are too important to tolerate this type of violence. I'm a yellow dog democrat, a small blue dot in a sea of red in Idaho. I'm on putting this back together.
 
Jerry Davis
#ImWithHer, but I'm not with whoever did this.
 
Cara Lynch
Reopen soon! Democracy takes all of us.
 
Krista S Givens
Violence has no place in our democracy.
 
Roland Zwick
Violence has no place in American elections. From a Hillary supporter
 
Augusta Ridley
I'm sorry this happened to y'all.

Ethan Gilsdorf
This is important. and I'm a democrat.
 
Mitch Bayersdorfer
Glad everyone was safe. Even though I am a Democrat, I believe in a fair democracy and that this was a deplorable act.
 
Lee Needham
Durham County NC Dem supporting neighboring Orange County democracy after this abhorrent attack. #NeverViolence
 
Erick Guerra
Hope things get up back to normal soon, and those guilty are brought to justice. 
 
James Dowd
Democrats don't stand for hate like this
 
David K
No matter how much I disagree with them, violence has no place in our democracy.

Phyllis Henderson
Stronger Together
 
Sara Hanks
Violence has no place in democracy.
 
Beth Beaty
We - democrats and republicans both - are better than this. Rebuild, friends, and we will meet you on the battlefield of respectful discourse.
 
Mark Toth
Sorry this happened. Hope this helps to rebuild.
 
Wanda Sekelsky
I am an independent voting for HRC, but EVERYONE DESERVES TO VOTE! #StrongerTogether
 
Rick Flowerday
Confronted with domestic terrorism, patriotic Americans join hands.
 
Benjamin Katz
Our democracy depends on a peaceful clash of ideas.

Matthew Stafford
Hoping to help get the office back up after this attack. -Democrat from California
 
Lila Ashear
Standing with GOPNC so everyone's voice can be heard, no matter which platform they align with.
 
James Grimmelmann
Violence is never the answer in a democracy. We settle our differences with ballots, not bombs.
 
Eric Sinclair
Ugliness isn't how we should debate and decide the process of our ongoing experiment.
 



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    Standing in the breach, trying to hold the flashlight for love.

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